Perfectionism is the enemy of contentment and the author of anxiety and stress. At its extreme, perfectionism is never satisfied. Nothing will ever be good enough. That’s why I want to share three mindsets you must embrace to let go of toxic perfectionism and shake off the stress.

Most of the women that I work with in my practice, whether they are counseling or coaching clients, have a tendency toward comparison. And let’s face it: in today’s world of social media, it’s difficult to avoid. If we’re not careful, comparison can show up in our souls—especially when we don’t realize it. Not only that, it leaves us feeling less than, anxious, and unworthy in the eyes of the world. Combating comparison and rooting it out of our lives is crucial to our mental, emotional, and physical health.

The topic of boundaries is one of my favorite things to talk about. For so long, I didn’t understand what they were. And as a recovering people pleaser, I believed that setting boundaries with others was unkind. So it probably doesn’t surprise you to learn that setting them with myself (engaging in self-care) was foreign. Now that I understand that boundaries actually provide freedom, I want to help others live in freedom too!

Let’s talk about anxiety for a minute. It’s something you’ve probably felt at some point in your life or are currently struggling with. And you’re not alone. Roughly 40 million Americans struggle with it every single year. I’d also venture to say most of America is struggling with it right now in light of COVID-19.

If you’re a living, breathing human, you’ve probably made a mistake at some point in your life. And if you’re honest with yourself, you probably do it quite often (and maybe even more than you’d like to admit).

But here’s the beautiful thing: you get to make mistakes and so do I. It’s what you do with those mistakes that makes the biggest difference of all.

When we work within our own unique callings (think strengths, personalities, and temperaments), all of the sudden, everything just clicks! So, what about you? Do you feel like you are living within your strengths or are you just making it through the day? When we live within our strengths, we can move forward, find joy, and even leave the stress behind. Here are three ways to find your path.

I don’t know about you, but I can find myself getting overwhelmed when I need to pull together an outfit for an event. We can put so much energy into our outside appearance as we lament about what to wear, or how we look. All the while, we end up putting ourselves down in the process. We feel worse about ourselves, which makes the whole “finding something to wear” experience that much worse.

I don’t know about you, but I always feel energized and motivated this time of year. The pressure of the holidays is behind me, the decorations are put away, and I am able to be inspired by the open pages of the new year. I have always gotten giddy about the opportunity to set goals for the year, dream big, and step out in new directions, even before I worked in the field of personal growth (yes, I am a self-development nerd). Now, it’s a gift to create space for my goals, as well as those I work with.

Growing up, I had a friend who stayed upset with me. I never seemed to meet her expectations or needs. The biggest problem was that I didn’t know what they were. She never told me. She would just get frustrated, passive-aggressive, and, ultimately, ignore me. When I would inquire about what was wrong, she would reply, “You should know.” 

If you know me well, you know I despise the word should.

In retrospect, I see our friendship would have been stronger if she had let me know what she needed.

Thanksgiving reminds me of how important it is to be grateful. It’s a special time to reflect on all we have been given and the blessings we have. And, cultivating gratitude is the perfect way to prepare our hearts for the craze of the coming Christmas season. I often find myself struggling to focus more on the gift of Jesus than on shopping for everyone on my list, creating Christmas magic around my house, or making time for holiday events. I don’t know about you, but the business of the season completely gets in the way of feeling grateful. 

Let’s claim a thankful heart now, as we are about to jump into the chaos of the holidays.

I get it. You want her to know how badly she hurt you. I would too. 

You want her to know the damage is severe. Absolutely. It is so severe.

You want her to understand your pain. 

She won’t.

That is just the way it is. Hurt people, hurt people. And they don’t look back; instead, the cycle continues.  

The truth is, forgiveness isn’t about condoning another’s hurtful actions or forgetting what happened. Rather, it is about freeing ourselves from living each day inside the resentful memory.

Hard conversations are the worst. Very few of us want to have them. Most of us avoid them. Really, who likes stepping into that awkward space? I might rather have a root canal without painkiller. 

But here's the thing about hard conversations: they are essential. We need them, and the better we are at them, the more freedom we will have. 

Hard conversations can be more comfortable when we remember these three truths.