Feedback. It can be scary. We cringe or tense up the moment we realize someone is going to share his perspective of us, our words, or our performance. We can feel exposed and vulnerable as shame washes over us and sets our nervous system on fire.  

Feedback, however, can move us to places we never thought we could go. If we can courageously embrace feedback and the value it brings, it can get us unstuck. 

You can move toward all you are made for by embracing these three truths when you have the opportunity to receive feedback:

Back in the early days of electronics, in the 1920–30s, families would huddle around the radio and share the experience of listening to their favorite programs. Then in the 1940s, television became the social centerpiece of the family. These TV shows were not daily events, rather, they were special occasions when the family gathered ‘round for a short break after a long day of work, a respite from life to huddle up on the couch and laugh together, cry together, and share the experience of being entertained together. 

I remember going whitewater rafting with a large group years ago, and we were lucky enough to get the most seasoned raft guide. He’d lived there on the banks of the river for 30 years, skin weathered by the sun, hair to prove it, and he knew every inch of those level ___ rapids. We knew we were in good hands. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

As we loaded in the raft we began asking him about what made the ‘best’ group to guide down the river. Trying to get it right, we guessed ‘physically fit’, thinking physical stamina played a significant role in the success of maneuvering the raft. To our surprise, he said that had little to do with it.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day.  He’s an uncommonly gifted singer.  Even among great singers, he stands out.  He can’t help it.  He’s just awesome.

Not wanting to be perceived as having a big ego or trying to outshine anyone, he said he sometimes dumbs himself down in order to fit in with the average ability in the room.  And when you give him a compliment, he likely won’t receive your words.  They’ll come back to you like a boomerang, as if he’s ordinary, and somehow YOU are the amazing one.

We know that our emotional health is tied closely to our physical health, and visa versa.  (Food/Mood; Mind/Gut) We’ve heard that those with a “cheerful” disposition have stronger immune systems, recover faster from setbacks, and even live longer…..but recently, an amazing discovery was made.  

Have you ever heard of the word: Emodiversity?  Hmm….Does it sound like I just made it up?  I take no credit!  Researchers at Cornell coined “Emodiversity” after their study revealed some surprising results.   Simply stated, they found that a “diverse spectrum of positive emotions reduces inflammation inside the body.”  Additionally, the study found that a limited range of positive emotions did not seem to reduce systemic inflammation.  

I was working out at my Crossfit gym, a very normal morning for me with my usual crew of people that I have grown to adore over the years. At my gym, you walk into what I call beautiful chaos, in that things are organized enough, but not in a perfect order. There is a gritty feeling that instantly makes you want to work hard and sweat. There is a rubber floor where chalk from the previous workout is scattered and chalkboards adorn the wall with workouts written in a rainbow of colors.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid? 

Listening to speaker and author Bob Goff speak about fear got me to thinking. “Fear is a punk,” he said. And I knew he was right: fear isa punk. It paralyzes us and tricks us into believing lies that keep us stuck. 

I believe fear—and the anxiety it brings—is the enemy’s most powerful weapon. It keeps us from living out our true potential or sharing our gifts with the world.

Why is it we often don’t want to ask for help? Sometimes it feels like admitting we are weak. Sometimes we don’t want to be a burden. Sometimes it seems like everyone else has it all together, so it is embarrassing to admit we don’t.

Instead, we keep it in, stuff our feelings, and push harder.

It’s as if we walk through life carrying a bag of bricks over our shoulder. It’s exhausting, yet we keep going—even when others offer to help. Instead of sharing our load, we decline and keep carrying our bricks. Somewhere, we bought the lie that we have to carry them alone.

Do you ever feel like something is missing? Does it seem as if you are going through the motions but not living a life of purpose? You want more, and you need more. But you can’t figure out what it could be. You don’t quite know how to get there.

Guess what? Your hunch is correct. You were created for more. You do have a purpose here on this earth. But as long as you are unsure of what it is, you are robbed of your brilliance. 

Maybe you are just out of college and you don’t know what you want to do with your life. You got a degree, but now you are not sure where to get a job. Perhaps you are a new mother. You are so grateful to have your child, yet you long to be making a difference in the world as well. 

Do you remember playing games with your girlfriends at recess? I remember playing games like M.A.S.H. This game was designed to predict who you would marry, how many kids you would have, what type of car you would drive, and if you would live in a Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House. I never focused on the details of these predictions, but I did know that I wanted to be “happy.” 

Happiness. It is something we all long for, yet it seems so difficult to find. We search for it in food. In relationships. In retail stores. In restaurants. In wine bottles. In social media posts. And these things often do offer a temporary reprieve from pain. But long term, we come up empty. The hollow part we tried to fill with “happy” still remains.

Sure it looks like it, as you notice their pictures on social media. They look so happy all of the time. Their Christmas card pictures each year couldn’t exude more joy. Absolutely, it sounds like it, as she shares about her amazing husband who brings her champagne while she is taking her nightly bubble bath. She makes sure everyone knows that he is the best husband ever. 

But friends, it is not true. No one has the perfect marriage. It is impossible because we are ALL human beings, filled with flaws and imperfection. There is no way to take two broken and imperfect individuals, put them in the same living space, add the responsibility of child rearing to those who have kids, and expect it to just work out magically, without putting in effort and sweat equity through the years. Marriage is hard. Relationships are hard. 

I can go back there like it is yesterday. Junior high. Bad bangs, bushy eyebrows, blue eye-shadow, crimped hair, fluorescent t-shirts, and all. If you weren’t raised in the ‘80s, you missed out on some “totally rad” fashion trends.

Along with the leg warmers, I can also remember the girl drama that, sadly, goes with every decade: the queen bees, the criticism, the hurt feelings, and the exclusion. Junior high—or, middle school as we now call it—was one of the most difficult stages in my life. I imagine it was in yours, too.